Josh and Donna's French lesson - episode #803

Best enjoyed with "Facon de Parler 1", pages 176-177 and 179-180
Apologies to a coyple of my students, who may recognise themselves!

Josh and Donna are having a French lesson with Claire, the bilingual Brit who likes lessons to be fun but can get strict when she needs to.

CLAIRE: Okay, firstly a game.
JOSH: A game?
CLAIRE: Yes, Josh. Games are useful for relaxing you, preparing you to learn and helping you access your inner French boy.
JOSH: I sure as hell don’t have one of those.
CLAIRE: We’ll see.
DONNA: Come on Josh, behave yourself. Teacher knows best and all that.
CLAIRE: So, let’s start with “Pass the Bomb”.
JOSH: Bomb?
DONNA: She means “bomb”, Josh. It’s British English.
JOSH: So we’re learning two languages?
DONNA: Josh, what’s up with you? You were really into doing this.
JOSH: Just busy that’s all. Bit stressed.
CLAIRE: Well think of these lessons as part counselling. I can slot that into my job description.
DONNA: Two for the price of one. Nice one. Some people round here could do with a bit of counselling. Hey, Josh?
JOSH: Yeah, yeah
CLAIRE: So, with this game, I give you a vocab card, like this one, that says “beach”, and you have to name as many things as possible that you can find on a beach, and pass the bomb along as you say it. Whoever it explodes on has lost the point.
DONNA: (smug, guessing she is going to win) I like this.
JOSH: How did you even get a “bomb” (mocking her British accent) past security?
CLAIRE: Erm... ‘cause it’s not a real “bomb” (mocking his American accent)?
JOSH: Can we not just name some words without keeping score?
CLAIRE: You don’t like games?
DONNA: He doesn’t like to lose.
JOSH: Which isn’t a problem, because I don’t lose.
DONNA: Oh no. I think we might be heading for another unbearable day.
CLAIRE: No muffins or bagels, I’m afraid. But I do have some coloured stars for the winner.
DONNA: (excitedly) Stars – that’s so cool!
Josh raises his eyebrows.
CLAIRE: And people think gold stars only work on kids...
JOSH: You have gold stars?
CLAIRE: Purple and pink ones too...
DONNA: You;re way cooler than my French teacher at school.
CLAIRE: (smiling) I try my best. Busy people like you, it’s important you enjoy these lessons. Otherwise you won’t learn much, and I figure I’ll get ditched the minute another meeting needs booking in. Plus, I can help you relieve the, erm, tension (looking at Josh) from the rest of the day. Anyway. let’s get started. Things you find in a school...
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Cut to another scene, then come back later at the end of reading a passage. Josh is weaker on grammar , but speaks with conviction – has a brilliant accent he acquired by mimicking Francophones speaking English, then substituting the English words for French ones. It works by the way – I recommend it! Donna’s understanding and grasp of grammar is however vastly superior, as you might expect.

JOSH: Ils prennent l’appareil photo, les maillots de bain et une serviette.
CLAIRE : Okay, very exciting text I know… Could we have a go at translating it ?
JOSH: So basically they get to the beach, and make out.
CLAIRE: Raises eyebrows Which word in particular is “make out”?
JOSH: Well, look at the picture!
CLAIRE: True. All good language teachers will tell you to use all of the context you can to help you get to your meaning. And they do appear to be unfeasibly close.
DONNA: Unfeasibly close?
CLAIRE: (smiling) I don’t this she’s his assistant, Donna.
JOSH: And then she takes her swimsuit off and he takes photos?
CLAIRE: Okay, keep your fantasies to yourself please...
JOSH: (softly, to Donna, with a playful, tender smile) – memories, not fantasies...
CLAIRE: You are aware that I understand American English?
DONNA: (a little embarrassed) I’m sorry about him.
CLAIRE: (smiles reassuringly , actually quite enjoying herself) It’s okay.
DONNA: In his defence, in the picture she is swinging her swimsuit around and he is holding his camera.
CLAIRE: (looks at picture and laughs) You know, no one’s ever picked up on that before, and it’s a fair point. Okay, next page.
JOSH: Sur la plage, un jeune garçon...
DONNA : (a little more violently than the situation requires) Hey ! It’s my turn to read !
CLAIRE: I think she wants to read...
DONNA: And they say women aren’t clear.
JOSH: Sorry about her. So...
DONNA: ...bossy?
JOSH: Among other things... (cheeky look)
DONNA: I was always indispensible, and you hated that.
CLAIRE: Not that I’m not enjoying being part of this discussion, but could we have a go at reading the text? If it’s not going to cause marital strife...
DONNA: Not yet. There’s a crucial element of that missing yet...
JOSH: Donna...
CLAIRE: (never one to miss such a hint) Oooh, can I come? I’ve never been to a White House wedding!
DONNA: We don’t know yet if it’s going to be a White House wedding.
JOSH: Erm, Donna... we don’t know yet if there’s going to be a wedding. (Donna glares at him. He swallows.) I mean, there is, obviously. But are there any elements in our relationship that we can keep surprising these days?
DONNA: (suggestively) Oh, I think there are.
CLAIRE: (Coughs). Would you like me to leave the room?
JOSH: Sorry. This is all still new to us.
CLAIRE: Was it one of those bound to happen someday things?
DONNA: Very much so. Even if this one had trouble seeing it coming. Or dealing with it when it did come.
JOSH: That's a bit rich, coming from Miss "I don't want to talk I just want to win the election"!
DONNA: Sorry about him.
JOSH: Hey! Would you like me to leave the room so you can carry on discussing me?
DONNA: Yeah, that’d be cool. Thanks, Joshua.
JOSH: No way. I’m here to learn French.
CLAIRE: (to Josh): that's the spirit. (to Donna) Coffee later?
DONNA: Sounds like a plan. You have my email address right?
CLAIRE: Yup. Anyway, Donna, your turn to read...
DONNA: Sur la plage, un jeune garçon vend des glaces. Laurent et Chantal achètent chacun un esquimau.
JOSH : An Eskimo ? They buy an Eskimo?
DONNA: What is it, like buy an Eskimo and set them free day?
JOSH: There’s that freaky sense of humour again.
DONNA: Yeah, and half of it you still don’t get. Even after all this time.
CLAIRE: An Eskimo is a Magnum-like ice cream. I don’t know why. Maybe the French have a freaky sense of humour too.
JOSH: L’après-midi, Chantal prend un bain de soleil. Laurent prend beaucoup de photos de sa petite amie. He takes lots of photos of his... small friend?! Now I really am freaked out.
CLAIRE: You know, British people have never said that out loud. I’m sure they’ve thought it before but... No, small friend just means girlfriend. Bizarre I know.
DONNA: You left out what Chantal says to Laurent... Ca suffit maintenant... What’s that mean?
CLAIRE: It means, that’s enough. A phrase that may come in useful in your relationship, I’m sensing...
JOSH: Hey. I’m feeling like the victim again.
DONNA: I’ll make it up to you later.
CLAIRE: Erm...
DONNA: Sorry. Nine years, you know!
CLAIRE: I don’t think there’s anyone in Washington who doesn’t know. I’m not sure how much French I’ve taught you, but looks like we’re out of time...
JOSH: (unconvincingly) Shame.
DONNA: Don’t listen to him. It’s been fun.
JOSH: Just ‘cause you got the star.
CLAIRE: You wear that star with pride, girl.

Josh and Donna stand up, gather their things and walk to the door. At the door:

CLAIRE: And don’t forget to learn those –re verbs for next time!
JOSH: (walking off) Yeah yeah...
DONNA: He enjoys it really. It's all an "I'm too cool for this" act. Don’t worry, I’ll keep him on track.
CLAIRE: I hear you’re good at that.

They exchange a knowing smile.

At the door, Sam is waiting to go in.

DONNA: Hey, Sam. That was fun. Has set me up for the day more than any muffins or bagels ever could.
SAM: Fun! I don’t have time for that. Do you know how many meetings I had Cathy cancel for this?
CLAIRE: Too busy and important to open your mind up to anything other than American culture? Or to learn the world’s most beautiful language?
SAM: Oh. You speak English.
JOSH: British English, though. Watch out for that... (pats him on the back as they walk out)