Scene from Episode #803 (where we meet Claire, the French tutor)

Episode #803, in which we meet Claire, the French tutor from the often-disparaged "Benelux" who turns out to be more of a central character than we might think. She may well be played by me!! Well, a girl can dream...

Sam and Josh are walking down the corridor towards the coffee machine.

SAM: (flatly and slightly incredulously) Twitter.
JOSH: (equally flatly) Yes.
SAM: Twitter?
JOSH: Yes. We’ve moved on from pagers and carrier pigeons since you were last around.
SAM: And you’ve got time to be on Twitter.
JOSH: Have to keep in touch with the fans... After all that Lemon Lyman stuff. Nah, seriously, Donna found her.
SAM: Oh great. So now we’re having French lessons with someone your girlfriend found on Twitter?
JOSH: Can we not call her my girlfriend?

Josh and Sam arrive by the coffee machine, where Donna is pouring herself a cup. She looks pointedly yet smilingly at Josh.

JOSH: (Tenderly) Hey. (Suddenly worried) What are you doing here? I mean, to what do we owe the pleasure...
DONNA: The coffee’s better this end. And I had a message from you. And since the carrier pigeons are on strike...
JOSH: You know what I meant, right?
DONNA: Yes, Josh. I understand that the word “girlfriend” represents a commitment level to which you are not yet accustomed. That’s okay.
JOSH: (looks at her as though she’s lost her mind) No. I’m way past that point. You know that, right? Ready to call you plenty of better things. (Sam raises his eyebrows and Donna looks down and smiles.) I just think it’s important that people remember your intrinsic worth as a person rather than just attaching you to me.
DONNA: That’s very sweet, Joshua, but I was your “assistant” for eight years... I think people are used to the fact I have my own brain despite my association with you.
JOSH: (quizzically, trying to work out if that was an insult) So what was the message anyway?
DONNA: What message?
SAM: (to no one in particular) I knew it. No message. They just can’t keep away from each other. Ugh.
DONNA: First of all, this. (leans over and kisses him.) Although that wasn’t from the First Lady. That was all me.
JOSH: I prefer it that way.
SAM: (Impressed “she’s got you well-trained” kind of smile) Good answer. Though I wish you’d get to the point.
DONNA: She’d like some of her staff to take French lessons too.
SAM: And you couldn't have told us that over email?
JOSH: (Silences Sam with a look) Okay.
SAM: You’re all out of your tiny minds. No one around here has time for language lessons.
DONNA: It’s good for you, Sam. Opens you up to the rest of the world. An hour a week, that’s all.
SAM: Yeah, but I bet she’ll have us doing homework too.
JOSH: It’s for your own good. Might help our reputation with other nations. You know, make us seem less arrogant.
SAM: I’m sorry, are we talking about French lessons for you, or a personality transplant?
JOSH: (wry smile) Send me an email with all the info. Anything else?
DONNA: Nothing that can’t wait till later. (Suggestive look, and grin)
JOSH: (a twinkle in his eye) I’ll look forward to that, then.
SAM: Ugh. You two are unbearable.
DONNA: Two words, Sam. Nine Years.