Josh and Donna are in ER, waiting to see a doctor. He is sitting with his head on her shoulder and she has her arm around him. After all, he is injured, and it is Christmas, so we can allow them a bit of intimacy.
The (youngish, female) Doctor calls Josh in.
DOCTOR: Mr Lyman?
JOSH: (reluctantly sitting up) Yeah.
DOCTOR: Ready to see you now.
JOSH: Okay.
DONNA: (to Josh) She’s an attractive woman. (pauses so there's a chance Josh will think her two sentences are unrelated.) You sure you don’t want me to come with you?
JOSH: (smiles) It’s okay. I know how you feel squeamish at the sight of needles.
DONNA: I think you may be getting me confused with you.
JOSH: Oh, yeah. Easily done, you gotta admit.
DONNA: (unconvinced.) Yeah. It’s the sensitive alabaster skin... So similar, you and I.
Josh disappears with the doctor and Donna get her diary out and starts scribbling. (Best read alongside http://donnamoss.blogspot.com/2009/08/noel.html)
Josh comes back a while later.
JOSH: (tenderly) Hey.
DONNA: She put you back together?
JOSH: Yeah. (waves his newly-bandaged hand) Almost no stitches. Definitely no fainting at the sight of needles. (sees her starting to putting away her diary) Hey, what you writing?
DONNA: Nothing.
JOSH: Well, that’s clearly not true. What is it?
DONNA: Haven’t I warned you before about being too nosy for your own good?
JOSH: I didn’t get where I am without a healthy inquisitiveness.
DONNA: (exasperated) Josh...
Josh reaches down and snatches it. Because of his injured hand it’s difficult for Donna to fight him.
DONNA: (slightly desperately) Josh... I’m warning you.
JOSH: (smiles smugly, aware of the importance of his discovery) This is your diary.
DONNA: Yes.
JOSH: Can I read it?
DONNA: What do you think my answer to that is going to be?
JOSH: Well, that all depends if you are hiding things from me. You wouldn’t hide things from me, right?
DONNA: Of course not. Nothing it was in your interests to know anyway.
JOSH: So I can read it?
DONNA: (flatly) No.
JOSH: Because?
DONNA: A woman’s journal is... (attempts to snatch it back, and there is a healthily flirtatious amount of physical contact. It falls open onto the floor, onto the current page. We see things she has written in big letters - I LOVE HIM, and WHY WAS I NOT THERE?)
JOSH: Donna?
DONNA: (bends down, closes it, picks it up off the floor, refusing to allow herself to look flustered) I have distinctive penmanship, remember. It’s quite possible that what you saw was not what you think you saw.
JOSH: Oh, Donna. (She is now standing up, and he looks at her intensely.) Me too, you know. (she looks at him, questioningly.) I mean it. Me too.
Time stands still. They look deep into each other’s eyes. It’s the perfect opportunity for a kiss. But we have to wait till series 7 for that!
JOSH: Six years is...
DONNA: (interrupting, takes his arm) Come on. We’ll never get you home to your parents’ at this rate.
They walk off into the sunset – erm, sorry, the night...
Friday 28 August 2009
Sunday 23 August 2009
Scene from Episode #906: New beginnings
In hospital. Donna is in bed, holidng the baby, and Josh is sitting on the bed, talking to her.
Sam walks in.
DONNA: Hey, Sam (smiling). Come meet your new godson.
SAM: (grinning back) Leo Noah.
JOSH: Yep. Named after the two most influential men in my life.
SAM: And I don’t figure on that list?
JOSH: We’ll name the next one after you.
DONNA: (incredulously) The next one?
JOSH: He’s so amazing. We need to have hundreds more like him.
DONNA: I’m sorry, Josh, were you not in the room last night?
JOSH: Well, erm...
DONNA: Apart from the brief instant when you passed out, obviously.
(Sam laughs, and looks at Josh disbelievingly, if that’s a word.)
JOSH: Point taken. Maybe not another one just yet.
DONNA: You're right, though. I mean, look at him. If it wasn’t for the pain... he’s even got your receeding hairline.
JOSH: (smiles at her) As long as everything else is from you, we’ll be fine.
SAM: (somewhat unsure, but wanting to change the subject before more soppy talk starts up...) Okay, so do I get to hold him then?
DONNA: If you promise to be careful. (pointedly) More careful, say, than you might be with a girl’s heart.
SAM: Hey! You can’t still be mad at me about Mallory.
Donna looks at him in a way that indicates that she most certainly can.
Sam leans over to take baby Leo.
SAM: Erm... Josh, help me out here.
Josh walks over, carefully and lovingly takes baby Leo, gives him to Sam and shows him how to hold him.
JOSH: So you put your arm under his head, like this...
SAM: (to baby Leo) Hey there, little fella. I’m your uncle Sam... (to Josh and Donna)I gotta say, I think I may be getting a bit broody looking at him. You guys have done some good work.
JOSH: (beaming) Thanks.
DONNA: (pointedly) Josh?
JOSH: I mean obviously the work was all Donna’s. My role was, erm, minimal. But isn’t he amazing?
DONNA: (pointedly) Josh?
JOSH: But obviously not as amazing as Donna, who did all this work.
SAM: I see there is effective training going on in the Lyman household.
DONNA: I can still revoke your godfather’s title, you know.
JOSH: (to Sam) Not single-handedly, she can’t.
DONNA: (keen to change the subject) Anyway, Sam – how are you? How are the French lessons?
SAM: Oh, erm.... fine. Yeah, fine.
DONNA: (thinking she has interpreted his answer, and getting ready to scold him)You’ve not been going, have you?
JOSH: Oh yes. He’s been going all right. Even getting a bit of, erm (wry smile), extra tuition.
DONNA: Oh? (punches Josh in the arm) How do I not know about this?
SAM: Well it’s... hot off the press, so to speak.
JOSH: Actually, we’re trying to keep it out of the press as much as possible... Anyway, last night didn’t seem quite the right time to tell you.
DONNA: Might have been a nice distraction. Though I gotta tell you, if it’s distraction you’re after, that gas and air thing...pretty decent.
They laugh, and fade out sound/picture as they talk and laugh.
Sam walks in.
DONNA: Hey, Sam (smiling). Come meet your new godson.
SAM: (grinning back) Leo Noah.
JOSH: Yep. Named after the two most influential men in my life.
SAM: And I don’t figure on that list?
JOSH: We’ll name the next one after you.
DONNA: (incredulously) The next one?
JOSH: He’s so amazing. We need to have hundreds more like him.
DONNA: I’m sorry, Josh, were you not in the room last night?
JOSH: Well, erm...
DONNA: Apart from the brief instant when you passed out, obviously.
(Sam laughs, and looks at Josh disbelievingly, if that’s a word.)
JOSH: Point taken. Maybe not another one just yet.
DONNA: You're right, though. I mean, look at him. If it wasn’t for the pain... he’s even got your receeding hairline.
JOSH: (smiles at her) As long as everything else is from you, we’ll be fine.
SAM: (somewhat unsure, but wanting to change the subject before more soppy talk starts up...) Okay, so do I get to hold him then?
DONNA: If you promise to be careful. (pointedly) More careful, say, than you might be with a girl’s heart.
SAM: Hey! You can’t still be mad at me about Mallory.
Donna looks at him in a way that indicates that she most certainly can.
Sam leans over to take baby Leo.
SAM: Erm... Josh, help me out here.
Josh walks over, carefully and lovingly takes baby Leo, gives him to Sam and shows him how to hold him.
JOSH: So you put your arm under his head, like this...
SAM: (to baby Leo) Hey there, little fella. I’m your uncle Sam... (to Josh and Donna)I gotta say, I think I may be getting a bit broody looking at him. You guys have done some good work.
JOSH: (beaming) Thanks.
DONNA: (pointedly) Josh?
JOSH: I mean obviously the work was all Donna’s. My role was, erm, minimal. But isn’t he amazing?
DONNA: (pointedly) Josh?
JOSH: But obviously not as amazing as Donna, who did all this work.
SAM: I see there is effective training going on in the Lyman household.
DONNA: I can still revoke your godfather’s title, you know.
JOSH: (to Sam) Not single-handedly, she can’t.
DONNA: (keen to change the subject) Anyway, Sam – how are you? How are the French lessons?
SAM: Oh, erm.... fine. Yeah, fine.
DONNA: (thinking she has interpreted his answer, and getting ready to scold him)You’ve not been going, have you?
JOSH: Oh yes. He’s been going all right. Even getting a bit of, erm (wry smile), extra tuition.
DONNA: Oh? (punches Josh in the arm) How do I not know about this?
SAM: Well it’s... hot off the press, so to speak.
JOSH: Actually, we’re trying to keep it out of the press as much as possible... Anyway, last night didn’t seem quite the right time to tell you.
DONNA: Might have been a nice distraction. Though I gotta tell you, if it’s distraction you’re after, that gas and air thing...pretty decent.
They laugh, and fade out sound/picture as they talk and laugh.
Saturday 22 August 2009
Epiosde #906
Josh is sitting by Donna’s hospital bed, holding her hand. He has a large plaster on his forehead and various bruises.
(Pause and breathe a sigh of relief – please tell me you didn’t actually think I was going to kill him off!!)
JOSH: (stroking her forehead) How are you doing?
DONNA: (smiles up at him). Pretty well, considering. What happened to the car, anyway?
JOSH: I left it wrapped around the lamppost and got a taxi. I wasn’t going to faff around with that crap while my wife gave birth to our son.
DONNA: (exasperated but too emotional to care that much.) Oh, Joshua. Wait - how do you know it’s a boy?
JOSH: I have a sense about these things...
DONNA: You know it in your heart? (Josh nods) Do you know how many things I’ve been wrong about in my heart?
JOSH: (softly) You weren’t wrong about us.
DONNA: No. But it sure as hell felt like it for a very long time.
JOSH: Are you ever going to let me forget that?
DONNA: Nine years, Josh. That’s all I’m sayin’.
He kisses her forehead.
JOSH: I promise I’ll make it up to you.
DONNA: So you keep saying. Just get me through the next twenty-four hours, that’ll be a good start.
JOSH: I love you so much, you know that?
DONNA: (smiles) Also a good start.
DONNA: Josh?
JOSH: Hmmm?
DONNA: I’m scared.
JOSH : You can do this. I believe in you. You are one amazing woman.
DONNA: I’m not sure distinctive penmanship or colored index cards are going to help me now.
JOSH: Oh Donnatella. There’s so much more to you than that. God, I love you.
Donna winces as a contraction comes and that’s the last we see of that.
Author's note: We are spared the usual, ridiculous, horribly undignified labour and birth scenes. I won’t make Janel Moloney stoop to doing that - it's not like she needs to prove she can act! Someone give that woman an Emmy... she's more than earned it!!
(Pause and breathe a sigh of relief – please tell me you didn’t actually think I was going to kill him off!!)
JOSH: (stroking her forehead) How are you doing?
DONNA: (smiles up at him). Pretty well, considering. What happened to the car, anyway?
JOSH: I left it wrapped around the lamppost and got a taxi. I wasn’t going to faff around with that crap while my wife gave birth to our son.
DONNA: (exasperated but too emotional to care that much.) Oh, Joshua. Wait - how do you know it’s a boy?
JOSH: I have a sense about these things...
DONNA: You know it in your heart? (Josh nods) Do you know how many things I’ve been wrong about in my heart?
JOSH: (softly) You weren’t wrong about us.
DONNA: No. But it sure as hell felt like it for a very long time.
JOSH: Are you ever going to let me forget that?
DONNA: Nine years, Josh. That’s all I’m sayin’.
He kisses her forehead.
JOSH: I promise I’ll make it up to you.
DONNA: So you keep saying. Just get me through the next twenty-four hours, that’ll be a good start.
JOSH: I love you so much, you know that?
DONNA: (smiles) Also a good start.
DONNA: Josh?
JOSH: Hmmm?
DONNA: I’m scared.
JOSH : You can do this. I believe in you. You are one amazing woman.
DONNA: I’m not sure distinctive penmanship or colored index cards are going to help me now.
JOSH: Oh Donnatella. There’s so much more to you than that. God, I love you.
Donna winces as a contraction comes and that’s the last we see of that.
Author's note: We are spared the usual, ridiculous, horribly undignified labour and birth scenes. I won’t make Janel Moloney stoop to doing that - it's not like she needs to prove she can act! Someone give that woman an Emmy... she's more than earned it!!
Friday 21 August 2009
Episode #905 part II - later on
Josh is in his car, driving to Donna to help her to calm down.
The phone beeps. He picks it up. We see the message on the screen - "My water broke."
Next thing we see is the car swerving, we hear a crash...
... cue theme music.
The phone beeps. He picks it up. We see the message on the screen - "My water broke."
Next thing we see is the car swerving, we hear a crash...
... cue theme music.
Episode #905
(Best read alongside http://tinyurl.com/luumrh -Donna's diary)
Donna is at home, very pregnant and very hormonal, and reading through old diaries.
The phone rings in Josh’s office.
JOSH: (picking up the phone) Yup.
DONNA: Josh. (clearly upset) I was asleep and I had a horrible dream and you were in hospital and I was holding the baby walking up and down the corridors and... (takes a deep breath and sounds as if she might start hyperventilating) I can’t do this without you Josh, I need you, don’t leave me...
JOSH: (softly) Donna?
DONNA: (in a small voice) yes...
JOSH: I’ve got you on speaker phone.
(The camera pans out to Sam and that guy from the campaign who writes the speeches , whose name I can’t remember right now. They all look at each other and walk out of the office to give Josh and Donna space)
JOSH: I’ll be right there, honey. Sit tight. Drink some water. I love you. I’m not going to leave you. I’m not going to die. I’ve always loved you. Always since that first moment you picked up my phone. I’ll be right there, okay?
DONNA: (in an even smaller voice) Okay.
Donna is at home, very pregnant and very hormonal, and reading through old diaries.
The phone rings in Josh’s office.
JOSH: (picking up the phone) Yup.
DONNA: Josh. (clearly upset) I was asleep and I had a horrible dream and you were in hospital and I was holding the baby walking up and down the corridors and... (takes a deep breath and sounds as if she might start hyperventilating) I can’t do this without you Josh, I need you, don’t leave me...
JOSH: (softly) Donna?
DONNA: (in a small voice) yes...
JOSH: I’ve got you on speaker phone.
(The camera pans out to Sam and that guy from the campaign who writes the speeches , whose name I can’t remember right now. They all look at each other and walk out of the office to give Josh and Donna space)
JOSH: I’ll be right there, honey. Sit tight. Drink some water. I love you. I’m not going to leave you. I’m not going to die. I’ve always loved you. Always since that first moment you picked up my phone. I’ll be right there, okay?
DONNA: (in an even smaller voice) Okay.
Wednesday 19 August 2009
Josh and Donna's French lesson - episode #803
Best enjoyed with "Facon de Parler 1", pages 176-177 and 179-180
Apologies to a coyple of my students, who may recognise themselves!
Josh and Donna are having a French lesson with Claire, the bilingual Brit who likes lessons to be fun but can get strict when she needs to.
CLAIRE: Okay, firstly a game.
JOSH: A game?
CLAIRE: Yes, Josh. Games are useful for relaxing you, preparing you to learn and helping you access your inner French boy.
JOSH: I sure as hell don’t have one of those.
CLAIRE: We’ll see.
DONNA: Come on Josh, behave yourself. Teacher knows best and all that.
CLAIRE: So, let’s start with “Pass the Bomb”.
JOSH: Bomb?
DONNA: She means “bomb”, Josh. It’s British English.
JOSH: So we’re learning two languages?
DONNA: Josh, what’s up with you? You were really into doing this.
JOSH: Just busy that’s all. Bit stressed.
CLAIRE: Well think of these lessons as part counselling. I can slot that into my job description.
DONNA: Two for the price of one. Nice one. Some people round here could do with a bit of counselling. Hey, Josh?
JOSH: Yeah, yeah
CLAIRE: So, with this game, I give you a vocab card, like this one, that says “beach”, and you have to name as many things as possible that you can find on a beach, and pass the bomb along as you say it. Whoever it explodes on has lost the point.
DONNA: (smug, guessing she is going to win) I like this.
JOSH: How did you even get a “bomb” (mocking her British accent) past security?
CLAIRE: Erm... ‘cause it’s not a real “bomb” (mocking his American accent)?
JOSH: Can we not just name some words without keeping score?
CLAIRE: You don’t like games?
DONNA: He doesn’t like to lose.
JOSH: Which isn’t a problem, because I don’t lose.
DONNA: Oh no. I think we might be heading for another unbearable day.
CLAIRE: No muffins or bagels, I’m afraid. But I do have some coloured stars for the winner.
DONNA: (excitedly) Stars – that’s so cool!
Josh raises his eyebrows.
CLAIRE: And people think gold stars only work on kids...
JOSH: You have gold stars?
CLAIRE: Purple and pink ones too...
DONNA: You;re way cooler than my French teacher at school.
CLAIRE: (smiling) I try my best. Busy people like you, it’s important you enjoy these lessons. Otherwise you won’t learn much, and I figure I’ll get ditched the minute another meeting needs booking in. Plus, I can help you relieve the, erm, tension (looking at Josh) from the rest of the day. Anyway. let’s get started. Things you find in a school...
---
Cut to another scene, then come back later at the end of reading a passage. Josh is weaker on grammar , but speaks with conviction – has a brilliant accent he acquired by mimicking Francophones speaking English, then substituting the English words for French ones. It works by the way – I recommend it! Donna’s understanding and grasp of grammar is however vastly superior, as you might expect.
JOSH: Ils prennent l’appareil photo, les maillots de bain et une serviette.
CLAIRE : Okay, very exciting text I know… Could we have a go at translating it ?
JOSH: So basically they get to the beach, and make out.
CLAIRE: Raises eyebrows Which word in particular is “make out”?
JOSH: Well, look at the picture!
CLAIRE: True. All good language teachers will tell you to use all of the context you can to help you get to your meaning. And they do appear to be unfeasibly close.
DONNA: Unfeasibly close?
CLAIRE: (smiling) I don’t this she’s his assistant, Donna.
JOSH: And then she takes her swimsuit off and he takes photos?
CLAIRE: Okay, keep your fantasies to yourself please...
JOSH: (softly, to Donna, with a playful, tender smile) – memories, not fantasies...
CLAIRE: You are aware that I understand American English?
DONNA: (a little embarrassed) I’m sorry about him.
CLAIRE: (smiles reassuringly , actually quite enjoying herself) It’s okay.
DONNA: In his defence, in the picture she is swinging her swimsuit around and he is holding his camera.
CLAIRE: (looks at picture and laughs) You know, no one’s ever picked up on that before, and it’s a fair point. Okay, next page.
JOSH: Sur la plage, un jeune garçon...
DONNA : (a little more violently than the situation requires) Hey ! It’s my turn to read !
CLAIRE: I think she wants to read...
DONNA: And they say women aren’t clear.
JOSH: Sorry about her. So...
DONNA: ...bossy?
JOSH: Among other things... (cheeky look)
DONNA: I was always indispensible, and you hated that.
CLAIRE: Not that I’m not enjoying being part of this discussion, but could we have a go at reading the text? If it’s not going to cause marital strife...
DONNA: Not yet. There’s a crucial element of that missing yet...
JOSH: Donna...
CLAIRE: (never one to miss such a hint) Oooh, can I come? I’ve never been to a White House wedding!
DONNA: We don’t know yet if it’s going to be a White House wedding.
JOSH: Erm, Donna... we don’t know yet if there’s going to be a wedding. (Donna glares at him. He swallows.) I mean, there is, obviously. But are there any elements in our relationship that we can keep surprising these days?
DONNA: (suggestively) Oh, I think there are.
CLAIRE: (Coughs). Would you like me to leave the room?
JOSH: Sorry. This is all still new to us.
CLAIRE: Was it one of those bound to happen someday things?
DONNA: Very much so. Even if this one had trouble seeing it coming. Or dealing with it when it did come.
JOSH: That's a bit rich, coming from Miss "I don't want to talk I just want to win the election"!
DONNA: Sorry about him.
JOSH: Hey! Would you like me to leave the room so you can carry on discussing me?
DONNA: Yeah, that’d be cool. Thanks, Joshua.
JOSH: No way. I’m here to learn French.
CLAIRE: (to Josh): that's the spirit. (to Donna) Coffee later?
DONNA: Sounds like a plan. You have my email address right?
CLAIRE: Yup. Anyway, Donna, your turn to read...
DONNA: Sur la plage, un jeune garçon vend des glaces. Laurent et Chantal achètent chacun un esquimau.
JOSH : An Eskimo ? They buy an Eskimo?
DONNA: What is it, like buy an Eskimo and set them free day?
JOSH: There’s that freaky sense of humour again.
DONNA: Yeah, and half of it you still don’t get. Even after all this time.
CLAIRE: An Eskimo is a Magnum-like ice cream. I don’t know why. Maybe the French have a freaky sense of humour too.
JOSH: L’après-midi, Chantal prend un bain de soleil. Laurent prend beaucoup de photos de sa petite amie. He takes lots of photos of his... small friend?! Now I really am freaked out.
CLAIRE: You know, British people have never said that out loud. I’m sure they’ve thought it before but... No, small friend just means girlfriend. Bizarre I know.
DONNA: You left out what Chantal says to Laurent... Ca suffit maintenant... What’s that mean?
CLAIRE: It means, that’s enough. A phrase that may come in useful in your relationship, I’m sensing...
JOSH: Hey. I’m feeling like the victim again.
DONNA: I’ll make it up to you later.
CLAIRE: Erm...
DONNA: Sorry. Nine years, you know!
CLAIRE: I don’t think there’s anyone in Washington who doesn’t know. I’m not sure how much French I’ve taught you, but looks like we’re out of time...
JOSH: (unconvincingly) Shame.
DONNA: Don’t listen to him. It’s been fun.
JOSH: Just ‘cause you got the star.
CLAIRE: You wear that star with pride, girl.
Josh and Donna stand up, gather their things and walk to the door. At the door:
CLAIRE: And don’t forget to learn those –re verbs for next time!
JOSH: (walking off) Yeah yeah...
DONNA: He enjoys it really. It's all an "I'm too cool for this" act. Don’t worry, I’ll keep him on track.
CLAIRE: I hear you’re good at that.
They exchange a knowing smile.
At the door, Sam is waiting to go in.
DONNA: Hey, Sam. That was fun. Has set me up for the day more than any muffins or bagels ever could.
SAM: Fun! I don’t have time for that. Do you know how many meetings I had Cathy cancel for this?
CLAIRE: Too busy and important to open your mind up to anything other than American culture? Or to learn the world’s most beautiful language?
SAM: Oh. You speak English.
JOSH: British English, though. Watch out for that... (pats him on the back as they walk out)
Apologies to a coyple of my students, who may recognise themselves!
Josh and Donna are having a French lesson with Claire, the bilingual Brit who likes lessons to be fun but can get strict when she needs to.
CLAIRE: Okay, firstly a game.
JOSH: A game?
CLAIRE: Yes, Josh. Games are useful for relaxing you, preparing you to learn and helping you access your inner French boy.
JOSH: I sure as hell don’t have one of those.
CLAIRE: We’ll see.
DONNA: Come on Josh, behave yourself. Teacher knows best and all that.
CLAIRE: So, let’s start with “Pass the Bomb”.
JOSH: Bomb?
DONNA: She means “bomb”, Josh. It’s British English.
JOSH: So we’re learning two languages?
DONNA: Josh, what’s up with you? You were really into doing this.
JOSH: Just busy that’s all. Bit stressed.
CLAIRE: Well think of these lessons as part counselling. I can slot that into my job description.
DONNA: Two for the price of one. Nice one. Some people round here could do with a bit of counselling. Hey, Josh?
JOSH: Yeah, yeah
CLAIRE: So, with this game, I give you a vocab card, like this one, that says “beach”, and you have to name as many things as possible that you can find on a beach, and pass the bomb along as you say it. Whoever it explodes on has lost the point.
DONNA: (smug, guessing she is going to win) I like this.
JOSH: How did you even get a “bomb” (mocking her British accent) past security?
CLAIRE: Erm... ‘cause it’s not a real “bomb” (mocking his American accent)?
JOSH: Can we not just name some words without keeping score?
CLAIRE: You don’t like games?
DONNA: He doesn’t like to lose.
JOSH: Which isn’t a problem, because I don’t lose.
DONNA: Oh no. I think we might be heading for another unbearable day.
CLAIRE: No muffins or bagels, I’m afraid. But I do have some coloured stars for the winner.
DONNA: (excitedly) Stars – that’s so cool!
Josh raises his eyebrows.
CLAIRE: And people think gold stars only work on kids...
JOSH: You have gold stars?
CLAIRE: Purple and pink ones too...
DONNA: You;re way cooler than my French teacher at school.
CLAIRE: (smiling) I try my best. Busy people like you, it’s important you enjoy these lessons. Otherwise you won’t learn much, and I figure I’ll get ditched the minute another meeting needs booking in. Plus, I can help you relieve the, erm, tension (looking at Josh) from the rest of the day. Anyway. let’s get started. Things you find in a school...
---
Cut to another scene, then come back later at the end of reading a passage. Josh is weaker on grammar , but speaks with conviction – has a brilliant accent he acquired by mimicking Francophones speaking English, then substituting the English words for French ones. It works by the way – I recommend it! Donna’s understanding and grasp of grammar is however vastly superior, as you might expect.
JOSH: Ils prennent l’appareil photo, les maillots de bain et une serviette.
CLAIRE : Okay, very exciting text I know… Could we have a go at translating it ?
JOSH: So basically they get to the beach, and make out.
CLAIRE: Raises eyebrows Which word in particular is “make out”?
JOSH: Well, look at the picture!
CLAIRE: True. All good language teachers will tell you to use all of the context you can to help you get to your meaning. And they do appear to be unfeasibly close.
DONNA: Unfeasibly close?
CLAIRE: (smiling) I don’t this she’s his assistant, Donna.
JOSH: And then she takes her swimsuit off and he takes photos?
CLAIRE: Okay, keep your fantasies to yourself please...
JOSH: (softly, to Donna, with a playful, tender smile) – memories, not fantasies...
CLAIRE: You are aware that I understand American English?
DONNA: (a little embarrassed) I’m sorry about him.
CLAIRE: (smiles reassuringly , actually quite enjoying herself) It’s okay.
DONNA: In his defence, in the picture she is swinging her swimsuit around and he is holding his camera.
CLAIRE: (looks at picture and laughs) You know, no one’s ever picked up on that before, and it’s a fair point. Okay, next page.
JOSH: Sur la plage, un jeune garçon...
DONNA : (a little more violently than the situation requires) Hey ! It’s my turn to read !
CLAIRE: I think she wants to read...
DONNA: And they say women aren’t clear.
JOSH: Sorry about her. So...
DONNA: ...bossy?
JOSH: Among other things... (cheeky look)
DONNA: I was always indispensible, and you hated that.
CLAIRE: Not that I’m not enjoying being part of this discussion, but could we have a go at reading the text? If it’s not going to cause marital strife...
DONNA: Not yet. There’s a crucial element of that missing yet...
JOSH: Donna...
CLAIRE: (never one to miss such a hint) Oooh, can I come? I’ve never been to a White House wedding!
DONNA: We don’t know yet if it’s going to be a White House wedding.
JOSH: Erm, Donna... we don’t know yet if there’s going to be a wedding. (Donna glares at him. He swallows.) I mean, there is, obviously. But are there any elements in our relationship that we can keep surprising these days?
DONNA: (suggestively) Oh, I think there are.
CLAIRE: (Coughs). Would you like me to leave the room?
JOSH: Sorry. This is all still new to us.
CLAIRE: Was it one of those bound to happen someday things?
DONNA: Very much so. Even if this one had trouble seeing it coming. Or dealing with it when it did come.
JOSH: That's a bit rich, coming from Miss "I don't want to talk I just want to win the election"!
DONNA: Sorry about him.
JOSH: Hey! Would you like me to leave the room so you can carry on discussing me?
DONNA: Yeah, that’d be cool. Thanks, Joshua.
JOSH: No way. I’m here to learn French.
CLAIRE: (to Josh): that's the spirit. (to Donna) Coffee later?
DONNA: Sounds like a plan. You have my email address right?
CLAIRE: Yup. Anyway, Donna, your turn to read...
DONNA: Sur la plage, un jeune garçon vend des glaces. Laurent et Chantal achètent chacun un esquimau.
JOSH : An Eskimo ? They buy an Eskimo?
DONNA: What is it, like buy an Eskimo and set them free day?
JOSH: There’s that freaky sense of humour again.
DONNA: Yeah, and half of it you still don’t get. Even after all this time.
CLAIRE: An Eskimo is a Magnum-like ice cream. I don’t know why. Maybe the French have a freaky sense of humour too.
JOSH: L’après-midi, Chantal prend un bain de soleil. Laurent prend beaucoup de photos de sa petite amie. He takes lots of photos of his... small friend?! Now I really am freaked out.
CLAIRE: You know, British people have never said that out loud. I’m sure they’ve thought it before but... No, small friend just means girlfriend. Bizarre I know.
DONNA: You left out what Chantal says to Laurent... Ca suffit maintenant... What’s that mean?
CLAIRE: It means, that’s enough. A phrase that may come in useful in your relationship, I’m sensing...
JOSH: Hey. I’m feeling like the victim again.
DONNA: I’ll make it up to you later.
CLAIRE: Erm...
DONNA: Sorry. Nine years, you know!
CLAIRE: I don’t think there’s anyone in Washington who doesn’t know. I’m not sure how much French I’ve taught you, but looks like we’re out of time...
JOSH: (unconvincingly) Shame.
DONNA: Don’t listen to him. It’s been fun.
JOSH: Just ‘cause you got the star.
CLAIRE: You wear that star with pride, girl.
Josh and Donna stand up, gather their things and walk to the door. At the door:
CLAIRE: And don’t forget to learn those –re verbs for next time!
JOSH: (walking off) Yeah yeah...
DONNA: He enjoys it really. It's all an "I'm too cool for this" act. Don’t worry, I’ll keep him on track.
CLAIRE: I hear you’re good at that.
They exchange a knowing smile.
At the door, Sam is waiting to go in.
DONNA: Hey, Sam. That was fun. Has set me up for the day more than any muffins or bagels ever could.
SAM: Fun! I don’t have time for that. Do you know how many meetings I had Cathy cancel for this?
CLAIRE: Too busy and important to open your mind up to anything other than American culture? Or to learn the world’s most beautiful language?
SAM: Oh. You speak English.
JOSH: British English, though. Watch out for that... (pats him on the back as they walk out)
Monday 17 August 2009
Scene from Episode #202 (In the shadow of two gunmen, part 2)
Somewhere in New Hampshire, Governor Bartlet is finishing off a rousing speech about education and its importance if America is to continue on the path to greatness destined for her by the Founding Fathers. Everyone’s pride is hitting record heights.
SAM: (to Josh) I wrote that.
JOSH: Sam, I know.
SAM: I mean I wrote that.
JOSH: Sam, I know. We’re all very proud of you. (he pats Sam slightly patronisingly but a little proudly on the back. Nods towards the Governor and says to Donna and Sam who are standing against the wall with him) Doing great out there, isn’t he?
DONNA: (far-away , dreamy look on her face) Hmmm?
JOSH: Donnatella? (nudges her)
SAM: Josh, leave her be. She’s in that place.
DONNA: (suddenly interested) What place?
SAM: The place where you pinch yourself wondering how you got to be here and feeling huge pride and deep humility all at the same time.
DONNA: (looks at Sam as though he’s lost his mind.) Nah. Actually I was just wondering what I was going to have for dessert tonight.
JOSH: (chuckles and smiles tenderly) You’re quite something, you know that?
DONNA: (beams back) So I’ve been told a number of times. Most of them by you.
SAM: Honestly, guys, get a room.
DONNA: Huh?
JOSH: (shoots him a look that says, “Sam, I’m warning you...”)
SAM: Do it quick before we’re in office. Less scandalous that way. (goes off to remind CJ that he wrote the speech Bartlet is delivering so rousingly)
DONNA: Josh? What’s he talking about?
JOSH: Hmmm?
DONNA: Josh?
JOSH: He’s under the impression there may be some kind of romantic tension between us.
DONNA: Are you under that impression too?
JOSH: Are you?
DONNA: I asked first.
Governor Bartlet finished his speech and everyone stands to their feet. It’s a moving moment. The conversation is interrupted. Sam hugs CJ and we see him mouthing “I wrote that!”. Josh, without thinking, hugs Donna, breathes her in.
They pull away.
DONNA: Do you think this might be an example of what Sam meant?
JOSH: (smiles) Maybe.
DONNA: Do you think we shouldn’t do that anymore?
JOSH: When we’re in office? Yeah. (Donna looks disappointed.) Well, maybe not.
DONNA: Josh, Sam doesn’t know what he’s talking about. I’m your assistant. Nothing can happen between us. We’re clear on that, right?
JOSH: Of course. Even if both wanted it to. (long lingering look) So it’s all nice and clear.
DONNA: Mmm. Yeah. (To herself) Clear, anyway.
SAM: (to Josh) I wrote that.
JOSH: Sam, I know.
SAM: I mean I wrote that.
JOSH: Sam, I know. We’re all very proud of you. (he pats Sam slightly patronisingly but a little proudly on the back. Nods towards the Governor and says to Donna and Sam who are standing against the wall with him) Doing great out there, isn’t he?
DONNA: (far-away , dreamy look on her face) Hmmm?
JOSH: Donnatella? (nudges her)
SAM: Josh, leave her be. She’s in that place.
DONNA: (suddenly interested) What place?
SAM: The place where you pinch yourself wondering how you got to be here and feeling huge pride and deep humility all at the same time.
DONNA: (looks at Sam as though he’s lost his mind.) Nah. Actually I was just wondering what I was going to have for dessert tonight.
JOSH: (chuckles and smiles tenderly) You’re quite something, you know that?
DONNA: (beams back) So I’ve been told a number of times. Most of them by you.
SAM: Honestly, guys, get a room.
DONNA: Huh?
JOSH: (shoots him a look that says, “Sam, I’m warning you...”)
SAM: Do it quick before we’re in office. Less scandalous that way. (goes off to remind CJ that he wrote the speech Bartlet is delivering so rousingly)
DONNA: Josh? What’s he talking about?
JOSH: Hmmm?
DONNA: Josh?
JOSH: He’s under the impression there may be some kind of romantic tension between us.
DONNA: Are you under that impression too?
JOSH: Are you?
DONNA: I asked first.
Governor Bartlet finished his speech and everyone stands to their feet. It’s a moving moment. The conversation is interrupted. Sam hugs CJ and we see him mouthing “I wrote that!”. Josh, without thinking, hugs Donna, breathes her in.
They pull away.
DONNA: Do you think this might be an example of what Sam meant?
JOSH: (smiles) Maybe.
DONNA: Do you think we shouldn’t do that anymore?
JOSH: When we’re in office? Yeah. (Donna looks disappointed.) Well, maybe not.
DONNA: Josh, Sam doesn’t know what he’s talking about. I’m your assistant. Nothing can happen between us. We’re clear on that, right?
JOSH: Of course. Even if both wanted it to. (long lingering look) So it’s all nice and clear.
DONNA: Mmm. Yeah. (To herself) Clear, anyway.
Friday 14 August 2009
Scene from Episode #803 (where we meet Claire, the French tutor)
Episode #803, in which we meet Claire, the French tutor from the often-disparaged "Benelux" who turns out to be more of a central character than we might think. She may well be played by me!! Well, a girl can dream...
Sam and Josh are walking down the corridor towards the coffee machine.
SAM: (flatly and slightly incredulously) Twitter.
JOSH: (equally flatly) Yes.
SAM: Twitter?
JOSH: Yes. We’ve moved on from pagers and carrier pigeons since you were last around.
SAM: And you’ve got time to be on Twitter.
JOSH: Have to keep in touch with the fans... After all that Lemon Lyman stuff. Nah, seriously, Donna found her.
SAM: Oh great. So now we’re having French lessons with someone your girlfriend found on Twitter?
JOSH: Can we not call her my girlfriend?
Josh and Sam arrive by the coffee machine, where Donna is pouring herself a cup. She looks pointedly yet smilingly at Josh.
JOSH: (Tenderly) Hey. (Suddenly worried) What are you doing here? I mean, to what do we owe the pleasure...
DONNA: The coffee’s better this end. And I had a message from you. And since the carrier pigeons are on strike...
JOSH: You know what I meant, right?
DONNA: Yes, Josh. I understand that the word “girlfriend” represents a commitment level to which you are not yet accustomed. That’s okay.
JOSH: (looks at her as though she’s lost her mind) No. I’m way past that point. You know that, right? Ready to call you plenty of better things. (Sam raises his eyebrows and Donna looks down and smiles.) I just think it’s important that people remember your intrinsic worth as a person rather than just attaching you to me.
DONNA: That’s very sweet, Joshua, but I was your “assistant” for eight years... I think people are used to the fact I have my own brain despite my association with you.
JOSH: (quizzically, trying to work out if that was an insult) So what was the message anyway?
DONNA: What message?
SAM: (to no one in particular) I knew it. No message. They just can’t keep away from each other. Ugh.
DONNA: First of all, this. (leans over and kisses him.) Although that wasn’t from the First Lady. That was all me.
JOSH: I prefer it that way.
SAM: (Impressed “she’s got you well-trained” kind of smile) Good answer. Though I wish you’d get to the point.
DONNA: She’d like some of her staff to take French lessons too.
SAM: And you couldn't have told us that over email?
JOSH: (Silences Sam with a look) Okay.
SAM: You’re all out of your tiny minds. No one around here has time for language lessons.
DONNA: It’s good for you, Sam. Opens you up to the rest of the world. An hour a week, that’s all.
SAM: Yeah, but I bet she’ll have us doing homework too.
JOSH: It’s for your own good. Might help our reputation with other nations. You know, make us seem less arrogant.
SAM: I’m sorry, are we talking about French lessons for you, or a personality transplant?
JOSH: (wry smile) Send me an email with all the info. Anything else?
DONNA: Nothing that can’t wait till later. (Suggestive look, and grin)
JOSH: (a twinkle in his eye) I’ll look forward to that, then.
SAM: Ugh. You two are unbearable.
DONNA: Two words, Sam. Nine Years.
Sam and Josh are walking down the corridor towards the coffee machine.
SAM: (flatly and slightly incredulously) Twitter.
JOSH: (equally flatly) Yes.
SAM: Twitter?
JOSH: Yes. We’ve moved on from pagers and carrier pigeons since you were last around.
SAM: And you’ve got time to be on Twitter.
JOSH: Have to keep in touch with the fans... After all that Lemon Lyman stuff. Nah, seriously, Donna found her.
SAM: Oh great. So now we’re having French lessons with someone your girlfriend found on Twitter?
JOSH: Can we not call her my girlfriend?
Josh and Sam arrive by the coffee machine, where Donna is pouring herself a cup. She looks pointedly yet smilingly at Josh.
JOSH: (Tenderly) Hey. (Suddenly worried) What are you doing here? I mean, to what do we owe the pleasure...
DONNA: The coffee’s better this end. And I had a message from you. And since the carrier pigeons are on strike...
JOSH: You know what I meant, right?
DONNA: Yes, Josh. I understand that the word “girlfriend” represents a commitment level to which you are not yet accustomed. That’s okay.
JOSH: (looks at her as though she’s lost her mind) No. I’m way past that point. You know that, right? Ready to call you plenty of better things. (Sam raises his eyebrows and Donna looks down and smiles.) I just think it’s important that people remember your intrinsic worth as a person rather than just attaching you to me.
DONNA: That’s very sweet, Joshua, but I was your “assistant” for eight years... I think people are used to the fact I have my own brain despite my association with you.
JOSH: (quizzically, trying to work out if that was an insult) So what was the message anyway?
DONNA: What message?
SAM: (to no one in particular) I knew it. No message. They just can’t keep away from each other. Ugh.
DONNA: First of all, this. (leans over and kisses him.) Although that wasn’t from the First Lady. That was all me.
JOSH: I prefer it that way.
SAM: (Impressed “she’s got you well-trained” kind of smile) Good answer. Though I wish you’d get to the point.
DONNA: She’d like some of her staff to take French lessons too.
SAM: And you couldn't have told us that over email?
JOSH: (Silences Sam with a look) Okay.
SAM: You’re all out of your tiny minds. No one around here has time for language lessons.
DONNA: It’s good for you, Sam. Opens you up to the rest of the world. An hour a week, that’s all.
SAM: Yeah, but I bet she’ll have us doing homework too.
JOSH: It’s for your own good. Might help our reputation with other nations. You know, make us seem less arrogant.
SAM: I’m sorry, are we talking about French lessons for you, or a personality transplant?
JOSH: (wry smile) Send me an email with all the info. Anything else?
DONNA: Nothing that can’t wait till later. (Suggestive look, and grin)
JOSH: (a twinkle in his eye) I’ll look forward to that, then.
SAM: Ugh. You two are unbearable.
DONNA: Two words, Sam. Nine Years.
Disclaimer
Please note that no copyright infringement is intended and no profit is being made from this site. The characters and all quotes belong to Aaron Sorkin, Warner Bros, NBC, et al. This blog is a tribute to the wonderfulness of the West Wing, the brilliantly portrated and eminently lovable characters of Josh and Donna, and the breathtaking acting of Bradley Whitford and Janel Moloney. I love you guys. Thanks for the hours of entertainment, laughter, tears and tantalising tension!!
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