Wakeful in Washington...

I’m slowly and blissfully sinking into much-needed, well-deserved sleep, with Josh’s arms around my waist, as became our custom years ago. The nearness of him never gets old, not even now that we’ve been together longer than we were, well, not.

“Daddy.”

Her first word ever. And since then, ever her first word.

“Daddy.”

Maybe her devotion to him is something she picked up from me, in which case there definitely shouldn’t be that slight pinching feeling around my heart when she always calls for him first. But...

She’s louder, more insistent this time. “Daddy. I can’t sleep.”

Josh untangles himself from me, running his hand down my arm to underline his reluctance at leaving me. That doesn’t get old either. Even in half-asleep states such as this one, I know awide grin is creeping across my face. I smile a lot these days. There’s worry, of course, arguments sometimes, there are sleepless nights not always for the right reasons, and there’s more time apart than I would choose, but there is a lot of smiling.

“Hey, Pumpkin.”

He scoops her up in his arms, and she wraps her arms around him, blonde curls not so much framing her bleary-eyed face as messily crowding around it, as if in her toddlerhood she had missed the edges when coloring herself in.

“You tried naming the States like I taught you?” He’s carrying her to her bedroom, putting her back in bed I guess, sliding her hair behind her ear as he loves to do with both of us.

I can imagine her earnest nodding, her wide blue eyes looking up at the only man who matters to her. (Long may that last.) “But I forgot Wisconsin and I had to look it up on that list you made for me.”

She forgot Wisconsin? How can she forget the place she spends every other Christmas and countless other holidays? I bet she didn’t forget Connecticut.

“So then I did it again and I even remembered all the M states and the New States and even Ohio and stuff, ‘cause that’s where Aunt CJ comes from even though I always forget, and Washington that’s a state even though Washington DC isn’t...”

This little girl will go far.

Or maybe not so far from here. The White House is in her blood. Her father would have the head of any boss who had her there till 1 am, no matter how charming. I shudder to think what he would do to one who bought her flowers and sabotaged her dates. He will have to be kept firmly under control. Still, I have a good few years to think of a workable strategy.

“So then I did them all and I still wasn’t asleep.”

“Did you try listing the Presidents?”

“Yeah. But it only works when we do it together.”

His dimples will be telling her that he loves being the centre of her world. So easily sweet-talked by his darling daughter. There’s a reason we called her Abigail – “father’s joy”. When he held her for the first time, he was transfixed. Imagine that – Josh Lyman, speechless. I recognised the tenderness and the wonder I saw in his eyes in a hospital on a much less happy day, years ago, miles away, when he couldn’t say “I love you”. This time he could, and he did, to both of us.

“How did we make something so beautiful?” He still often asks me that. I smile and remind him it was actually me who did most of the work.

“So I guess it’s kind of fair that she looks so much like you,” he’ll usually conclude, but every time I’m sure I detect just the slightest hint of envy in his tone.

“Not that I mind,” he’ll add, and kiss me. So it’s a conversation I really don’t mind having over and over. Another thing that never gets old. Unlike our daughter, sadly.... I want to keep her at seven forever. She’s her mother’s joy too. I hope that will not change with age.

I imagine he’s lying on her bed next to her now, as he often does, transfixed again by her loveliness and her bright mind as though discovering her for the first time, taking her little hand in his, counting off on her fingers, as they go through their routine. “George Washington, John Adams, Thomas Jefferson...”

Safely wrapped up in her daddy, Abi’s voice is drifting to the happy place of sweet dreams and turning to a whisper. She does make it to the end, though. “Uncle Jed, Uncle Matt, Uncle Sam, and you.”

Even when she’s only half-awake, she’s a pretty stubborn and determined little girl (guess it’s what you could call a dominant gene) and there is no point arguing with her.

But Josh, probably kneeling now and leaning over to brush the hair from her forehead and kiss her goodnight, does always add, “Someone’s gotta be the guy those guys count on. That’s my role.” This may be his way of letting her down gently, but I think perhaps it’s a little subtle for a seven-year-old. Still, at least she won’t be able to claim in later life he didn’t warn her.

“Good night, Princess.”

“Good night, daddy.”

He walks away, probably backwards – yes, definitely backwards, I hear a muffled “ouch” as he bumped into the wall behind him – so he can steal as much of a glance of her as possible. I wonder, did he ever do that with me?

“Daddy?” Her sleepy voice calls him back.

“You’re my favorite President.”

Out, I assume, come the dimples as his smile, his whole self, expand with pride. This isn't part of the routine. This is straight from the heart.

“Hey.” He climbs back into bed, strokes my leg with his foot, treasuring the closeness that never gets old to him either.

“Hey,” I say, as tenderly as I can because there’s something I want to clear up and I don’t want it to sound like a rebuke when I do. “You’re not going to become President just because your daughter asked you to, are you?” I’m hoping my voice doesn’t betray my increased heart rate. This question has actually been wandering around my subconscious for quite a long time now, and not only my subconscious: Helen and I have a lunch planned. You know, just... in case. I want to be ready. You never know, do you?

“There are worse reasons,” he whispers softly in my ear, then nuzzles into my neck, kissing me gently.

I love it when he does this. He knows it, too. “Josh.”

"Mmmm?"

“You’ll always be my favorite President, too.”

That discussion can wait. Come to think of it, so can sleep.

Josh and Amy - post ep to "Han", series 5

(Josh and Amy are watching the concert from just outside the room)

JOSH : So listen, umm, Ryan of all people asked me straight out about our
relationship, and I couldn't have avoided the subject more if I had faked
a stroke.

AMY : Cheeky little brat.

JOSH : That's not the point, even if I'd wanted to answer him I wouldn't have known
what to say. It's like what C.J. said today about the economy; by refusing
to put language to it we're trying to pretend it doesn't exist, but it's
something... even if we don't know what to call it. I just think it's time
to start thinking about a language plan for whatever it is we're doing too.

AMY: Yeah. (pause) A language plan? Not a secret language plan to fight anything though, right?
JOSH: Are you mocking me?
AMY: (smiles) I wouldn’t dare.
JOSH: Especially in my hour of vulnerability, and all...

AMY: (pause) I like not using language. Not talking is a lot of fun, Josh.
JOSH: (smiles) Yeah.
AMY: And you do it better than most.
JOSH: (mock offended) Most?
AMY: Yes, most. Okay, all.
JOSH: There’s a “but” coming though, isn’t there?
AMY: (looks down, then forces herself to look into his eyes.) I walked past when Donna was doing your bow-tie before.
JOSH: Oh?
AMY: Josh... I’m not the love of your life, am I?
JOSH: I... don’t know what you mean.
AMY: I think you do. And I deserve better than that. We both do.
JOSH: What do you... I’m not in love with Donna.
AMY: It’s just a silly phase you’re going through?
JOSH: Was going through. Before you...
AMY: That’s a lovely sentiment, and I wish I could believe it. (Gives him a long, lingering, sexy look, brushes his shoulder, kisses his cheeky and leaves. He looks longingly at her, then Donna comes into view in the background.

Cue:

I'm not in love, no-no

(It's because...)

Ooh, you'll wait a long time for me

Ooh, you'll wait a long time

Ooh, you'll wait a long time for me

Ooh, you'll wait a long time

I'm not in love, so don't forget it...

Stranger than fiction... (sometime pre-Amy, pre-Inauguration, and definitely pre-Gaza)

Rosemary, this is just for you, and inspired by our earlier conversation on our Facebook group's wall! (http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=119668758613&ref=ts if anyone cares!)

Apologies to everyone else - I think I may have lost it slightly!!

Josh has no idea about such trivial matters as what the date is, particularly given his severe sleep deprivation. He's been working round the clock for days with Toby on a Very Important Bill.

DONNA: (enters Josh's office, looking serious. Closes the door behind her.) Joshua. The time has come.
JOSH: (looking up from his desk, where he's fallen asleep with his head in a file) Huh?
DONNA: I've been doing a bit of reading and...
JOSH: (groaning) Donna. What have I told you about that? And when could you possible have the time to...
DONNA: (wry smile) Sometimes at weekends there's like an hour in between when I get up and when you call me in for work.
JOSH: (sheepish) Yeah. Sorry about that.
DONNA: You're not, though, are you?
JOSH: Sorry?
DONNA: Yeah.
JOSH: No. (in a sudden moment of lucidity) You're not through, are you?
DONNA: No. I discovered something slightly worrying.
JOSH: About Democratic party policy?
DONNA: No, Josh. About us. (Pauses dramatically.) It turns out that we're not real.
JOSH: We're not?
DONNA: No. We're fictional characters in a TV drama.
JOSH: Don't be ridiculous. Who'd watch a TV drama about the White House?
DONNA: That's the ridiculous part?
JOSH: No. The us being fictional is ridiculous. But seriously, who'd watch that?
DONNA: You'd watch it.
JOSH: You know the sad thing is, I would...
DONNA: Geeks, then.
JOSH: Hey!
DONNA: It's okay. Geeks can be attractive. Also, since I'm in it, lots of hot men with crushes on me. Although since those people usually turn out to be Republicans, I guess there are a lot of broken TVs out there...
JOSH: Okay. That's it. You've unspooled. Go home and get some sleep. That's an order. I've got to go and see Toby about the thing. Do you know where the file...
DONNNA: (interrupting him) What do you think the viewers are thinking?
JOSH: Are we still talking about this?
DONNA: Until you answer me, yes.
JOSH: (sighs) I think the viewers find me strangely attractive. Something about the dimples. I dunno. (Shrugs.) It's beyond me.
DONNA: Maybe it's the power thing. (she moves closer to him, straightens his tie, moves away slightly.)
JOSH: (distracted by her closeness) Mmmm.
DONNA: But that's not what I meant. What do you think they are thinking about, you know, us? (she gently brushes imaginary dust off his shoulders)
JOSH: I am way, way past the point of even caring that I long ago stopped understanding what ...
DONNA: Handsome, powerful, slighlty vulnerable boss; beautiful, lovable assistant; lots of chemistry. Not for nothing, but don't you think the viewers would want us to have kissed by now? That's all I'm saying.
JOSH: (trying to cover up his panic and end the conversation as quickly as possible.) Close the door on your way out. And please, oh please, stick to Newsweek from now on.
DONNA: Okay. (She picks up Newsweek from his desk) This today's? (She points at the date: April 1st)
JOSH: (smiles in blissful relief) You're unbelievable.
DONNA: I know. (She smiles, leaves, closes the door behind her.)

Inauguration part II - over there - alternative ending

I still think I can be forgiven for having initially thought that Josh and Donna were finally getting together in this episode... Ha! Three more series to go... No wonder I started whizzing through my DVDs at breakneck speed at this point.

Brad and Janel, I've said it before and I'll say it again, at least a thousand times - you are amazing. I love you!!!

Anyway, I wanted to prolong the getting-together-ness of this ep, so here goes.

Josh still has that adoring, you-look-amazing look in his eyes throughout this scene and Donna is not even trying to hide how much she is enjoying that... and how much she loves him too.


JOSH: (leaning in to whisper to Donna) I know this is a work night now...
DONNA: (wistfully) Yeah.
JOSH: But just one dance?
DONNA: (smiling radiantly) Okay. But just one.
JOSH: I think any more and we may be in trouble...
DONNA: Yeah. We need to get to work.
JOSH: That’s not what I meant.
DONNA: Okay.

He interlocks her fingers with his. They start dancing.

DONNA: (into his ear) Josh, I –
JOSH: (gently) Shhhh. Not now. Let’s just enjoy this moment.

She leans into him, head on his shoulder, and he wrap his arms around her as they continue to slow dance. We see tenderness in Josh’s eyes. They look to all intents and purposes like a couple very much in love.

Fade out/pan out...

Is Donna there?

THE MID-TERMS, series 2.

This follows a scene that was sadly cut but is on the bonus DVD that came with my box set, where Donna is at Josh’s during his recovery and CJ calls. She asks if Donna is there and he says no (but then is forced to retract the lie).

DONNA: Why did you lie?
JOSH: What do you mean?
DONNA: Why d’you lie to CJ, about me being here? You said I wasn’t here, and then you pulled that face like you were being naughty.
JOSH: I –
DONNA: Because we’re not being naughty, Josh.
JOSH: (playfully and flirtatiously) Doctor’s orders, Donna, believe me, if I could...
DONNA: (in telling-off mode) Josh!

DONNA: It’s okay that I’m here. They know I’m here a lot. It seemed like you feel guilty about that.
JOSH: Yeah, it’s just...
DONNA: What?
JOSH: (embarrassed) Well, we’re – practically in bed together here.
DONNA: (smiles) You wish.
JOSH: Yeah. And therein lies the problem.

Donna looks at him quizzically, trying to work out if he is being playful or serious this time. The viewers aren’t sure either.
Fade out.

Another Alternative Ending for War Crimes, #307

NB: for this to make sense, you need to first read Series 2, post ep 10 - Noel - cut scene and possibly also http://donnamoss.blogspot.com/2009/08/noel.html

Josh and Donna are waiting together for Cliff to return with Donna's diary. It's cold. It's tense.

DONNA: (nervously breaking the silence) You didn't, you know...
JOSH: Read it?
DONNA: Yeah.
JOSH: (sad and shocked that she would think that) Donna...
DONNA: (embarrassed, not looking at him) Of course not. Sorry. I shouldn't have asked, it's just...
JOSH: (quietly, after a pause) I've read your diary before.
DONNA: (slightly panicky) When?
JOSH: At the hospital...
DONNA: Oh Josh, that was...
JOSH: What?
DONNA: You know. Heat of the moment stuff.
JOSH (disappointed) Oh. So you didn’t mean it.
DONNA: Well...
JOSH: (smiling triumphantly) Of course you meant it.
DONNA: Josh, we can’t...
JOSH: I know. We can’t go there. Just... maybe... Come here...

He wraps his arms around her.

JOSH: Maybe I could hold you for a while?

She doesn't object, and they sit, embracing, for a while.

DONNA: (breaking the embrace to look at him) Josh?
JOSH: Yeah?
DONNA: The holding each other thing didn’t work out so well in When Harry Met Sally, did it?
JOSH: Well, that depends how you look at it. I think it ended very well.

They look tenderly at each other and smile. Donna rests her head on Josh's shoulder and he puts his arm around her.

Somewhere in Germany... (NB spoiler for season 5)

You wait.

You're not good at waiting, and she knows that. You wait, though, and that's your greatest gift to her right now.

You want to somehow transfer strength to her like she did to you when it was you on a hospital bed. You don't know if you believe in God - and if He's there, you have one or two things to take up with Him - but you tentatively pray for health and strength for her, the way she had for you. It seemed to work, after all. You have difficulty finding your words.

So you sit by her bedside, and you wait. And from time to time you whisper, "Donna, don't leave me. I can't do this without you." And you don't just mean the job. You mean life.

You want to say so much more, but that seems risky. There's a tiny chance she may hear you, and everything will change. And you're not sure you're ready. But if the worst were to happen, you'd want her to know how deeply you loved her.

You're pondering all this when she opens her eyes. You're sure your heart just skipped a beat. You walk over to her, responding to her calling you. You're still here. Of course you're still here. Where else would you be? Governing the country can wait. Everything else can wait. You're useless without her anyway.

She's so beautiful. Even here, looking so ill, so fragile, so damaged, so tired, to you, she's beautiful. You realise this sounds crazy, that this must mean there is no hope for you ever to recover from this... this... what is it? Infatuation? Obsession? No. You sense that this, in fact, is it. This is the love that you have been looking for all of your life. This is the love of two people who make it, who build a life together, who have children and grow old together and never look back. This is the love of soulmates, who know each other inside out and fit each other like a glove.

Some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this.

You've found it, you've found her, and you're not letting her go. Not this time. Not ever again.

You long to kiss her. You longed to do that while she was unconscious, too. You wanted to be the prince in Sleeping Beauty. But life, sadly, is not a fairy tale, and yours is a complicated situation. You're not going to think about that for now, though. For now, she's awake. And your name is the first thing that crossed her lips.

You don't know which of those two things you are happiest about.

Alternative Ending for War Crimes, #307

JOSH: It's starting to get cold already.

Donna looks at him, says nothing.

JOSH: It's going to be fine.

Donna looks at him again, says nothing.

JOSH: Donna, I -
DONNA: (interrupting) I hate it when you're mad at me.
JOSH: I hate being mad at you.
DONNA: I'm so sorry, Josh. For everything, I don't know what I was thinking. About any of it.
JOSH: Hey, it's okay. It's going be fine. We're going to be fine.

She smiles at him, weakly.

JOSH: It's getting cold already. (Puts his arm around her) C'mere...

Donna her head rests on Josh's shoulder and he holds her.

Epiosde #906

Josh is sitting by Donna’s hospital bed, holding her hand. He has a large plaster on his forehead and various bruises.

(Pause and breathe a sigh of relief – please tell me you didn’t actually think I was going to kill him off!!)

JOSH: (stroking her forehead) How are you doing?
DONNA: (smiles up at him). Pretty well, considering. What happened to the car, anyway?
JOSH: I left it wrapped around the lamppost and got a taxi. I wasn’t going to faff around with that crap while my wife gave birth to our son.
DONNA: (exasperated but too emotional to care that much.) Oh, Joshua. Wait - how do you know it’s a boy?
JOSH: I have a sense about these things...
DONNA: You know it in your heart? (Josh nods) Do you know how many things I’ve been wrong about in my heart?
JOSH: (softly) You weren’t wrong about us.
DONNA: No. But it sure as hell felt like it for a very long time.
JOSH: Are you ever going to let me forget that?
DONNA: Nine years, Josh. That’s all I’m sayin’.

He kisses her forehead.

JOSH: I promise I’ll make it up to you.
DONNA: So you keep saying. Just get me through the next twenty-four hours, that’ll be a good start.
JOSH: I love you so much, you know that?
DONNA: (smiles) Also a good start.

DONNA: Josh?
JOSH: Hmmm?
DONNA: I’m scared.
JOSH : You can do this. I believe in you. You are one amazing woman.
DONNA: I’m not sure distinctive penmanship or colored index cards are going to help me now.

JOSH: Oh Donnatella. There’s so much more to you than that. God, I love you.

Donna winces as a contraction comes and that’s the last we see of that.

Author's note: We are spared the usual, ridiculous, horribly undignified labour and birth scenes. I won’t make Janel Moloney stoop to doing that - it's not like she needs to prove she can act! Someone give that woman an Emmy... she's more than earned it!!

Disclaimer

Please note that no copyright infringement is intended and no profit is being made from this site. The characters and all quotes belong to Aaron Sorkin, Warner Bros, NBC, et al. This blog is a tribute to the wonderfulness of the West Wing, the brilliantly portrated and eminently lovable characters of Josh and Donna, and the breathtaking acting of Bradley Whitford and Janel Moloney. I love you guys. Thanks for the hours of entertainment, laughter, tears and tantalising tension!!